What would you find? How would that honest self-examination reshape the way you see yourself and your marriage?

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” (Psalm 139:23). This cry from the Psalmist is a powerful call to self-examination. It invites us not to settle for surface-level fixes but to reveal what’s going on deep inside. Revealing your own heart means acknowledging the messy parts—the impatience, the resentment, the blind spots—and being willing to clean those up first.

Marriage isn’t about keeping score; it demands work. And that work starts with yourself. Pointing fingers doesn’t heal wounds; it tends to widen the gap. Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Before pulling issues out in your spouse, dive deep into your own intentions and attitudes.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Reveal your own heart!

So, what does it look like to reveal your own heart in a way that positively impacts your marriage?

1. Own Your Faults, Don’t Hide Them
Too many spouses shy away from vulnerability, fearing judgment or rejection. But genuine love grows in the soil of honesty. Start by saying aloud or writing down what you struggle with. Whether it’s pride, impatience, or neglect, naming the problem strips it of its power.

Jesus taught, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). Own your logs before trying to pluck specks.

2. Choose Empathy Over Judgment
Once you see your own flaws, it becomes harder to harshly judge your spouse’s. Recognize that your partner wrestles with their own battles, just as you do. Empathy propels understanding, not criticism. When conflict arises, pause to ask, “What am I missing about their experience?”

As 1 Corinthians 13:4 reminds us, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.” Revealing your heart means softening it toward your spouse.

3. Commit to Small, Daily Acts of Change
Revealing your heart isn’t a one-time confession; it’s a continual process of growth. Set daily intentions that reflect the person you want to be in your marriage—whether it’s listening more, speaking less harshly, or simply showing gratitude. Change starts small but compounds over time.

Consider the words of Dallas Willard: “Grace is not opposed to effort; it is opposed to earning.” Own your role, put in the work, and rest in the grace that covers imperfection.

When both spouses begin to reveal their hearts, the marriage shifts from a battlefield to a sanctuary. You stop demanding that your spouse be different and instead embark on a shared journey in which both work on becoming better partners.

So here’s the brutal truth: no one else can fix your marriage. The change starts with you. The moment you reveal your own heart, cracks begin to mend, and real connection becomes possible.

You’ve got the power to change your story. Stop looking for a spouse who’s “more” and start being the spouse who shows up fully—all wounds, all courage, all heart.

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“