Some think marriage is serendipitous, a happy chance, that everything will work together. The love will be there forever. But are assumptions killing your marriage?
The assumptions of happiness and the tingly feeling every time you see your spouse. The assumptions that disagreements or arguments won’t disrupt your emotions that drew you together in the first place. The assumptions of having children will add to the richness of your love.
Marriage is not the same as dating. Sorry to break it to you. But I’m sure you already knew this.
And with that knowledge, you also know that marriage takes work — just like dating took work.
Yes, you had to pay attention to all the little things in order to win over your sweetheart.
Yet after “I do”, what begin to happen? Be honest. One or both of you slowly moved from being VERY attentive to each other’s moves, feelings, and emotions, likes and dislikes to learning to living in the same home, planning a schedule to be together which seemed to be more challenging than when dating.
Even though you are now married with your whole future in front of you, the opportunities begin to shrink. As years pass, the frustration of life gets in the way of the tingly feeling you defined as love when you first met.
Questions come up as to why you said “I do.” Was it really worth it? What was I thinking? Some of the little things now seem BIGGER and get in the way of you loving your sweetheart unconditionally.
Your life has been overtaken by assumptions. Your questions are more about what you think your spouse should know verses what is reality.
Assumptions can kill a marriage, because it kills the hope of taking action in your marriage. When you live in assumptions, you are shutting down communication.
- You ASSUME your spouse should know what you want for dinner when you go out.
- You ASSUME your spouse knows what satisfies you in the bedroom.
- You ASSUME your spouse knows what you want for your birthday.
- You ASSUME your spouse knows what you want him to do around the house to help you.
I’m sure you are thinking of some assumptions you’ve made recently. How well did that turn out for you?
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Assumptions don’t have to kill your marriage. Instead of living in the world of assumptions, communicate your needs.
The K.I.S.S. ~ Communicate your needs!
Tell your spouse what you need.
- So when asked what you want for dinner, actually make some suggestions. There isn’t anything wrong with telling your sweetheart what sounds good to you.
- In the bedroom, be specific about what you like. Take away the idea that he will figure it out. And if you feel uncomfortable, ask him what he likes. That will ease you into the conversation.
- Gifts are a challenge, especially for men. They want to please you and they truly want to get you what you want. So if you are one who likes surprises, then give a few options to choose from. Therefore, you can be surprised, but he is not frustrated.
- Chores around the house can be a thorn in the side of marriages. Don’t wait until you’ve pricked yourself on that thorn. Be honest with what you need him to do that will help you.
When you communicate your needs, you open up your heart for love to mature and increase in richness. The assumptions melt away. No hassles to tie up unnecessary energy.
“Communicate your needs and see your love soar.“
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Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
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