Do you feel like you are always doing everything for everybody trying to make things better. Are you too helpful?
In fact, you might be addicted to helpfulness. The nurture side of you is constantly engaged.
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Now helping is a great asset; a positive trait. And nothing you should be ashamed of.
However, where does personal growth happen if you are always giving the answers? Plus, who is to say you have the right answers.
In marriage or any committed relationship, it’s convenient to want to take care of your Sweetheart. You care for him, and you want to extend that by even doing.
Please know that there is a different in serving and going overboard on helpfulness. You might be “over-helping” and not even know it.
Before we moved down south, my husband moved first because we had to sell our home. This is the longest time we had been apart since his schooling way back when. I wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it. What would he eat, since I cook for him? Who would run his errands and go shopping for him?
Guess what?!? He did it and did it beautifully.
It made me realized that he can do a lot of what I do for him. Understand, we all have different roles in our marriage and it’s important to know which role you fill.
There may be seasons where you need to do everything. But then there may be seasons where you serve differently.
The key is knowing if you are serving verses controlling.
Think about it. Being too helpful keeps you in control. Yet you see it as just helping out like you were raised.
If you find yourself doing absolutely everything, take a closer look as to your role in the marriage. Are you trying to control? Or are you really serving?
Are you too helpful?
Regardless if you think you are serving or being too helpful, one way that will ground you and create a strong foundation in your marriage is starting with a simple question.
The K.I.S.S. ~ Start with a simple question!
You are not expected to have all the answers in your marriage. You are not expected to do everything for everybody in the family.
You set the boundaries and the expectations for how you want to be treated and the role you play.
You see, most of us don’t ask our spouse, “What role do I play in our marriage?”
So in order to allow you to continue to serve, but not be too helpful, start with a simple question.
- How can I help you?
Because if you don’t ask this simple question, it’s easy to be OVER-helpful. And when you feel like you are doing everything, resentment can build over time along with crippling your spouse’s ability to solve his own problems or grow personally.
But when you ask, “How can I help you?”, you have open communication as to what is needed. You no longer are “in control” and you’re serving.
Don’t get in the habit of doing everything for everybody. Reset those boundaries and ask the simple question, “How can I help you?”.
“Be present in your marriage.”
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Photo by Le Creuset on Unsplash
Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
9t One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music –
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.