Apologies these days can be taken for better or for worse. Do apologies matter when your spouse wrongs you?
Marriage takes work. Nothing worth having comes easy. And when you add two flawed individuals, it’s going to get messy. Feelings hurt. False statements. Exaggerated recollections.
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Fair or not, apologies are apart of relationships. However, we must be careful how apologies are used.
Apology = a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.
I’m sure you can think of a time when you were wronged. There might have been a few different things that happened.
- Immediate apology
- Delayed apology
- Heartfelt apology
- Stand-off apology
- Neutral apology
- No apology
These are just a few of the apologies that we experience over a lifetime. In marriage though, we need to understand that a commitment was made for better OR for …. worse!
We tend to forget the “for worse” part. Honestly, we would prefer to have everything go right.
But in actuality, that’s not what we get.
So you know what you get in your marriage. You and your spouse have come to terms with how you communicate your wrong-doings. Most of the time this is not something that is spoken or agreed upon. It just happens from each of you being the you, you were raised to be.
We don’t put a lot of thought into how we should acknowledge our wrong-doings. How we should apologize.
Yet in a fallen world, there are going to be mistakes. EVERY day mistakes!!
To answer the question…Do apologies matter? The answer is yes. But how apologize is key!
Think of an apology as an acknowledgement that you recognize the wrong.
How can you make apologies count and matter in your marriage?
The K.I.S.S. ~ Apologies put your spouse first!
And I know this is not a popular way to think of it. But we don’t do popular here. We keep it real with a heavenly mindset.
I bring up these tough topics to challenge you to live a life of impact. To challenge you to live beyond what you’ve been exposed to.
Life is not about being right. Life is a journey where you learn and seek what gifts God has in store for you.
Consider it a scavenger hunt. The game of life can be overwhelming, or you can overwhelm the game of life and live!
So let’s look at how apologies put your spouse first.
- No finger pointing. It’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s not about wronging someone else because you were wronged.
- Acknowledge the wrong. Own the fault. What did you do wrong? What was the mistake?
- Give honor with an apology. This is a way for you to say you’re sorry for making a mistake without intentionally wanting to hurt them.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” ~ Matthew 5:38-40
The biggest question I get most is, “What about me? When do my feelings and my hurts matter?”
This is where it’s tough to swallow. It’s not about you! An apology ignites forgiveness for the wrong-doing to be burned and forgotten.
It’s the starter. It’s the pilot. You have a pilot light on your grill to help get it starter. An apology does just that. It sparks the act of forgiveness from the one you love most. You control only you!
So if you can be that spark to ignite forgiveness in your marriage, you will be able to build a stronger foundation.
“An apology ignites forgiveness for the wrong-doing to be forgotten.”
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