The challenge in parenting is don’t let the worst get the best of you. How do you handle a situation when the situation seems to be handling you?
What you do as a parent is a thankless job, yet it’s the most rewarding. But what happens when you are faced with the struggles of reckless, unexperienced children who want what they want when they want it?
Not a fun corner to be trapped in. Yet I don’t know any parent who hasn’t been caught in that corner. Frustration and anguish can be overcoming and builds to a point of exasperation.
No parent likes to be in this position. You begin to question the idea of ever having children, and whether or not you will ever be able to finish the job alive with your sanity in tact.
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Well, you are not alone.
Don’t let the worst get the best of you.
As children get older, they begin to test you in different ways.
- Bedtime challenge
- Dessert without eating dinner
- Staying up later on a school night
- Sleepover requests
- Party outings
- Curfew and the car
For me, it’s the young adult children getting ready to move out and live on their own (at least in their eyes). Yet we are still paying for half of the living expenses.
My daughter and I begin talking about some major decisions for her nursing school this fall. And she was very hesitant as to how to approach me. In fact, she made some decisions I wish she had discussed with me first.
But what do you do? She is growing up.
Well you don’t let the worst get the best of you.
So how do you overcome the worst (what they’re dishing out) in order to be your best?
The K.I.S.S. ~ Ask the BIGGER question!
Most of what we are doing as parents is questioning our children as to their motives.
But what would it feel like to you if you asked yourself the BIGGER question…
- Why does this upset me?
- What is it that’s causing me to react this way?
- How come I can’t control my frustration, my anger, or my tears?
- What is it about this situation that bothers me?
When you ask the BIGGER question, you are understanding where you are coming from and even if it’s relevant to the situation.
The BIGGER question removes the BLAME Game and focuses on the issue at hand.
When you remove the Blame Game, you release the cause and effect syndrome that we as parents get wrapped up in.
Yes, it’s OK to want to know why something happens. But most of us already know the underlining reason. The part where the worst gets the best of us, is the emotions are intertwined with the cause and effect. When in actuality, the cause and effect has no bearing on us. It’s an action or decision made by the child which resulted in the effect.
But what we ultimately do is their wrong is our wrong. And that’s wrong!!
So don’t let the worst get the best of you. Ask the BIGGER question.
When my daughter began talking to me about some decisions she had made with “what’s next?”, I mentally processed the situation as to — What is it about this situation that bothers me?
It totally changed the conversation we had. There was no yelling or heated discussion. It was simple questions for her about how she came to these decisions. I was able to keep a level head and took to heart that this wasn’t about me!
Now if I was to have thrown my frustration about how she handled it, and what she didn’t do with what she should have done, there would have been some yelling and arguing, AND probably some time needing to be spent away from each other. I would have been disappointed in her and her disappointed with me. A no win situation.
Ask the BIGGER question.
“Don’t let the worst get the best of you. Ask the BIGGER question.“
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Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Photo by Nick Karvounis on Unsplash