You might think you are loving on your spouse by taking care of everything. But are you mothering your spouse?
Is what you are doing, how you are speaking, and the actions you’re taking really supporting your spouse and serving him?
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It’s easy to get trapped in taking care of the husband like you take care of the children.
Now I know you don’t mean to do it on purpose. But this is something that is kept quiet, and can become a deadly weapon in destroying a marriage.
Reflect back on a situation where you are telling him what to do and how to do it. Were the words you used similar to how you speak to your child? Was your tone of voice more about you having a greater knowledge than him?
This silent action of mothering can pull apart a marriage just as fast as finances impact a marriage.
Are you mothering your spouse?
Mothering your spouse shows a lack of respect, of acceptance, and of appreciation for him as your husband, a strong and capable individual.
You wouldn’t marry someone that you thought… “Well, I will need to tell him what to do and how to do it every time. I will raise him up to be the man God wanted me to have.”
If these are your thoughts, honestly, I’m going to be frank with you…We need to talk. Because there are bigger issues.
However, I don’t believe we go into our marriage with the intent to mother. But it is something that can take over when it comes to communicating with our spouse.
Our nurture role is so ingrained in us as a female that it can manifest itself in our daily language and actions.
So I ask again…are you mothering your spouse?
If you were honest, the answer would be yes.
I mother my spouse. Now I can’t say that he ever admitted or called me out on mothering him. But after we went through our tornado, he let me know that I was mothering him. He felt disrespected as a man and belittled as a father. He could do nothing right.
That was hard to grasp. I didn’t realize how my mothering the children, and oh I was good at it because I had plenty of practice — mom of five, was really affecting him and his heart. I was ripping it apart piece by piece.
It hurts to this day knowing that I did that to him. And do I slip back sometimes into my full-on mothering mode. YES!! I’m human! I do try and correct myself and ask for forgiveness when necessary.
Are you mothering your spouse? Because if you are, you are hurting the one you said “I do til death do us part.”
Even though this is a tough topic, I want you to know there is hope. You don’t have to mother him. At the same time, you can’t expect this to change overnight. Be realistic with your expectations.
“One step at a time leads to miles of greatness!” ~ Kristianne Wargo
Today, I want you to think about where “mothering” shows up in your relationship.
- in the daily routines (taking out the trash, doing the dishes, vacuuming, dusting, etc.) It’s the little things.
- how to father (taking care of the children, what to say, how to say it, etc.) It’s the fatherhood.
- financial planning
Remember, the thing is — he is not going to learn it for himself if you keep telling him how to do it.
“You show him respect by letting him fall!”
The K.I.S.S. ~ Let him fall!
Growth happens when we fall. Your mothering is holding back your spouse. So release your spouse to God, and let him fall!
- Focus on what you can control.
- Alleviate confusion. Be specific in what you need done without the step by steps.
- Lift him up! Encourage your spouse. Leave out what they did wrong. They’ll figure that part out on their own.
- Love him where he’s at!
Watching your spouse grow into the man God created for you is an incredible experience. Extreme joy for your heart.
“Live. Love. IMPACT!“
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Live. Love. IMPACT!
“One step at a time leads to miles of greatness!”
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Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash