If you don’t learn how to wrestle with the in-between—the small moments where real connection can be made—you risk becoming strangers living parallel lives.

When the noise quiets and the family leaves the room, the question becomes: who is going to be sitting next to you?

If you haven’t intentionally fought for closeness during your everyday life, you may not recognize the one beside you anymore.

You need to be intentional about drawing closer to one another.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Draw closer to one another!

So how do you draw closer in the in-between?

How do you stake your claim as partners, even when life feels chaotic, and you’re both pulled in a million directions?

Here are three non-negotiable approaches to intentionally bridge the gap.

1. Be Present Without Distraction
   This sounds simple, but it’s the foundation. When you’re physically together but mentally somewhere else, connection dies. Commit to carving out “device-free” moments—whether it’s 10 minutes before bed, a coffee in the morning, or a quick check-in after work—where your full attention is on one another. Listen like that time depends on it. Ask how your partner’s day truly went and resist jumping to problem-solving. Just be there, soaking in the presence of the person who’s supposed to be your closest ally.
2. Own Your Role in the Rhythm of the Home
   Marriage doesn’t happen in isolation from family life, but it also can’t be sacrificed on the altar of busyness. Recognize how you contribute to the daily flow and actively look for ways to share responsibility, lighten your partner’s load, or create space for couple time. It’s not just about doing tasks but about signaling that your spouse matters enough to disrupt your own busy schedule. When you step in to support the shared life, you draw closer, not just practically but emotionally.
3. Create Micro-Rituals That Mean Something
   Big date nights are great, but they are hard to sustain consistently. The real magic happens in simple, regular rituals that become your shared language. Maybe it’s a goodnight text every evening, a brief morning hug before the chaos begins, or sharing a weekly “high and low” where you talk about the best and worst parts of your week. These small but consistent acts become emotional anchors; they’re proof that, despite the busyness, you’re actively choosing each other.

In wrestling with the in-between, you are doing the hardest and most important work of marriage.

It’s messy. It’s not glamorous, but it is indispensable. If you settle for just “getting through,” you risk showing up as roommates rather than life partners. Is that what you really want?

But if you lean into the daily struggle to be present, supportive, and intentional, even in the tiniest of tiniest moments, you build a foundation strong enough to weather any storm.

When the family is gone, and only the two of you are standing in the quiet house, you’ll know exactly who is beside you—and why it matters. That’s not luck or circumstance. It’s your return on investment of wrestling intentionally with the in-between.

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“