However, you both love each other uniquely, and at times, it can feel like you are doing everything.

Then the questions begin: Why can’t he love me more? Why can’t he see what he’s doing wrong? Why do I have to do everything in this relationship?

These questions are just a sprinkle of all the doubt you thought of years ago before walking down the aisle, but now seems a little too close to reality.

Let me remind you that there are seasons in marriage. You will have the roller coasters that you conquer together, but then there will be those lines only for one person.

Why does it have to be this way?

Relationships ebb and flow. When you bring two people together who want to do life together, it takes work, like swimming upstream in a downstream world.

Unfair? Yes. Leads to divorce? Only if you allow it.

Marriage is work, and love takes action. You have to be willing to go above and beyond.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Go above and beyond!

And let me say this: Just because you put in all the work doesn’t make you better than your spouse. Yes, it requires more effort and energy, but please don’t discount what your spouse is doing. Usually, they are executing only what they know or have been shown.

I can definitely remember times in our marriage when I felt I was married only to myself. I’m not saying that was good, yet it was reality. If you can look at things with clarity, then you can deal with the season you are in better and get out on the other side closer.

So what does it look like in the real world of marriage?

1. Know the Season so You Show Up with Reason. 

Just as Fall moves into Winter, you can prep your plants, trees, and grass for the cold that moving in. It’s part of the growth cycle. Marriage is the same way. There will be times when it’s going to take all of you. And if you’re willing, then it becomes easier actually to live out with that clarity of knowing your position in getting through the season. You won’t be there long, just hold on.

2. Give Grace in the Midst of Chaos

Nothing is every going to be perfect. So, if you are going to go above and beyond, you’ve got to give grace. There’s no other way around it. Otherwise, you will be the one hurt the most because your emotions that harbor the feelings of “why can’t he do more,” will turn into resentment and bitterness in your heart. And that’s a whole other mountain to climb. Give grace.

3. Express What You Need at the Right Time.

Timing is everything! In the digital space, a phrase is thrown around: “Content is king.” In marriage, timing is king. If you have concerns about money, it probably is not a good idea to talk about it right before bed. Do it when you both are well-rested. If you feel like you’re holding down the fort with no help, that’s a fair concern. But don’t bring it up in a discussion involving who’s picking up the kids when. It’s not the right time! And just because we have technology at our fingertips does not mean you can say anything anytime. Remember, timing is everything.

“Marriage is work, and love takes action.” ~ Kristianne Wargo

Don’t let the excuses of your personal wants get in the way of creating the best relationship between two people. The one-sided marriage will not last forever. Be patient. Express your concerns. And be willing to go above and beyond. You can have a beautiful marriage and love deeper every day.

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“