What if you let go of the need to constantly measure your spouse’s actions against your own and instead focus on fostering a deeper, more loving connection?

How would that make you feel?

You know I’m all about a good football game. But in this case, the score of your game needs to remain zero to zero.

Let me ask you– What is the score?

If you have to think twice, you are keeping score.

In marriage, give ‘n take is all a part of unconditional love. But once you allow yourself to keep score and lean more toward what’s not happening, you know that maybe the game is a little more serious than you thought.

So, how do you keep score to not keep score?

You must connect to the heart, not the scoreboard.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Connect to the heart!

Now, understand that words and actions have power. Yet, if everything is done because one of you wants the “win,” you are married for the wrong reasons. You don’t see the person you are sleeping with.

1. Practice Empathy and Understanding

One of the most powerful ways to let go of scorekeeping in a marriage is to practice empathy and understanding. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, try to see things from their perspective, and approach disagreements with compassion. When you let go of the need to be right (that “win”) and instead seek to understand, you create a foundation of trust and emotional intimacy.

For example, instead of getting upset when your partner forgets to do something you asked, take a moment to consider what might be going on in their world that led to the oversight. By approaching the situation with empathy, you open the door to forgiveness and deeper connection.

“In the game of love, the score that truly matters is the one where both partners feel seen, heard, and loved.” ~ Kristianne Wargo

2. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Another key to breaking free from the cycle of scorekeeping is open and honest communication, not demands or hints of “this is right.” Create a safe space for both you and your partner to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment. By fostering a culture of open communication, you can address issues as they arise instead of letting them fester and lead to resentment.

For instance, if you feel like your partner isn’t pulling their weight in certain aspects of the relationship, have a candid conversation about your expectations and how you can support each other better. By communicating openly, you pave the way for understanding and forgiveness to flourish.

“True love thrives in the vulnerability of honest communication.” ~ Kristianne Wargo

3. Cultivate Gratitude and Appreciation

Lastly, to shift away from keeping score and moving toward a more loving and forgiving mindset, cultivate a practice of gratitude and appreciation. Take time each day to reflect on the qualities and actions of your partner that you are grateful for. Show appreciation for the little things they do, whether it’s making you a cup of coffee in the morning or leaving a sweet note on your desk. By focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship and expressing gratitude regularly, you create a sense of mutual respect and admiration that transcends petty grievances.

For example, make it a habit to express gratitude to your partner for their contributions to your shared life, no matter how small. Remember, you’re in this together. And this will help you both feel valued and loved, strengthening your bond and fostering forgiveness.

“In the dance of marriage, gratitude is the music that keeps the rhythm of love alive.” ~ Kristianne Wargo

In marriage, finding freedom in forgiveness requires a shift in mindset from keeping score to embracing empathy, communication, and gratitude.

By letting go of the need to tally up perceived slights and instead choosing to forgive and love unconditionally, you, as a couple, can deepen your connection and create a relationship rooted in understanding and compassion.

As you navigate the challenges of everyday life with your spouse, remember that the true victory lies not in winning imaginary competitions but in building a foundation of love that transcends scorekeeping and flourishes in forgiveness.

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“