How do you first see your spouse when you said, “I do”?

I’m not asking about why you fell in love with your man or your woman; I asked what did you first see?

• Smile
• Eyes
• Kindness
• Honesty
• Optimism

You see, it’s interesting that when you date, all you can see is the good. Yet after a beautiful, expensive ceremony, all of a sudden, all you see are the faults, where they don’t get it right, even when words and actions don’t add up.

So then you move into the idea that you can fix them. You got this. Nobody needs to worry about the mess you’re in. You’re gonna fix everything.

All of sudden, you are playing a magician trying to sprinkle pixie dust on where your spouse falls short with the hope that you can perfect them.

Oh, but wait– The promises you made when you said “I do” are not all out the window, tossed aside for no one to remember.

All you know– YOU ARE RIGHT!!

No one can tell you differently. No one can convince you that something else is happening.

But I’m here to tell you– Welcome to the circle of marriage.

However, it doesn’t have to stay this way. You don’t have to be afraid to love and to change.

You can grow together and be better together. But first, it takes you to see what your spouse sees.

The K.I.S.S. ~ What does your reflection portray?

If you can’t get real with yourself, you will never be able to be real with your spouse. And that is unfortunate. Because if you can’t overcome yourself, you won’t be able to overcome together.

You must do the unthinkable and really dig deep into the dusty wounds that have settled for decades. And that diggin’ hurts.

But if you aren’t willing to clean it up and dig out the stuff that is continuously feeding the infectious bacteria in your wounds, it will never turn into a scar. You won’t be able to own your CRAP, forgive yourself, and then forgive your spouse so you can build better together.

However, something tells me that you don’t want to quit where you sit. You want to build better together. You want to walk the long, winding road of healing so you can get to the other side.

Are you ready to see what you don’t see now?

1. Be honest about who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It might hurt your ego a little bit or even a lot. But it will be worth the glass you walk on. Every sliver will heal once you know who you see.
2. Be better today than yesterday. You don’t have to be perfect. But you do need to improve. Go back to the first meal you ever fixed. Maybe you burned the box of mac n cheese, or it was a little extra runny. If you could focus on one thing at a time and commit to being better today, then what you went through yesterday will be worth it when you look back tomorrow.
3. Forgive as quickly as you remember. When you can make room in your heart to see your failures as lessons learned, or stumbling blocks to improve on, you can get beyond the attraction of perfection. And it’s then, that you can proclaim that you will build better together.

Don’t be afraid to love and to change.

CHALLENGE: Where are you struggling with yourself?

Really look at yourself. And don’t get all weepy, or if you need to, take this into the shower. Seriously! There’s something about the water pouring over you that creates this atmosphere of reconciliation.

You’ve got to break down the barriers.

So what is it for you? What can you give to God and ask Him for help? What can you change by the tone of your voice, the quick backlash of your tongue, or the towering ego that you’re always right?

I want you to experience the incredible love God intended for marriage. But you have to look at yourself first.

Marriage is the most rewarding covenant between two people that will take more work than two lifetimes. But don’t be afraid to love and to change. You can be better than you were yesterday.PRAYER: May your reflection become a light in the darkness as you uncover and release that which holds you hostage.

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“