Roses are red, violets are blue. What is killing your marriage and you? If only you could discover one thing that would change your marriage, how would that change you?
This is Valentine’s weekend. Love is in the air. Or is it? Yesterday, I was speaking with a colleague of mine, and she said that on her way home, she needed to go and pick up a card for her husband.
She giggled innocently. But really, was it more of a guilty response?
We have tendencies to make assumptions in our marriage. However, we did not do that when dating. We were inquisitive and always in search of answers. We wanted to know so much more about our partner.
But after “I do,” what happened?
Be honest. One or both of you slowly moved from being VERY attentive to being complacent.
- Each other’s moods, feelings, and emotions
- Likes and dislikes
- Planning and scheduling
My hubby and I have been together now for thirty years. That’s a very long time. We’ve been together longer than we’ve been single.
In saying that though, there are many times where I find myself making assumptions as to how I think he should respond to me.
Let me give you an example. My sweet man always wants to gift me something I want. However, I like surprises. So deep down, I wish he would just figure it out on his own. Seriously by now, he should know what I want. Or should he?
Well, my daughter had a conversation with dad. He wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas or at least some ideas of what he could get me. She made a suggestion about a robe that I have been wanting for two years. Yes, this isn’t any robe. It’s the softest most cuddly robe I’ve ever seen and somewhat felt. I have a few of their coverups and fell in love with the fabrication. There’s nothing like it.
So when he discovered I wanted this for so long, his response was, “Why didn’t she tell me?” And my thought was, “Why didn’t he know?”
What is killing your marriage?
Your life has been overtaken by assumptions. Your questions are more about what you think your spouse should know versus what is reality.
Assumptions can kill a marriage because it kills the hope of taking action in your marriage. When you live in assumptions, you are shutting down communication.
The K.I.S.S. ~ Stop assuming and start communicating!
You and your spouse should be excited to be together. It shouldn’t be a heartache. You don’t have to be overly giddy all the time. But you shouldn’t be mad at each other all the time either. You shouldn’t carry a burden that says, “What about me? Don’t you pay attention anymore?”
It’s not about what you think he should know, it’s about sharing life and communicating your needs with a humble heart. It’s sweet conversations, not self-serving demands.
- Share apart of you.
Don’t back away from what you are thinking or wanting. Yet, be cautious of assuming you will get what you want. Go into it with an open heart to have a discussion as to next steps, etc.
Be grateful for the possibilities together, building a life together. That is why you said, “I do.”
My man would come home and suggest at some point if we wanted to do dinner. He would ask over and over again what I wanted. All I wanted for him is to make the decision, and all he wanted was for me to make the decision.
This is how we did eating out for years together. Until finally, he told me something that stunned me. He wanted me to make the decision, because all day, he would make decisions. The last thing he wanted was to come home and make more decisions.
Talk about miscommunication and assumptions. What a mess for no reason. And it was truly a misunderstanding on both of our parts.
So do your part. Stop assuming and start communicating. Your marriage is worth it. You are worth it.
“Live. Love. IMPACT!!!”
#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Photo by Tim Bish on Unsplash
Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
9t One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music –
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.